What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 00:24
We were not on the streets..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Ive learnt so much.
What was your most embarrassing and humiliating bare bottom spanking?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We all went to grammer schools
What is the boldest and craziest thing your mother has ever done for you?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why do liberals think it is okay to steal votes while the rest of us obey the law(s)?
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What did i know ?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Is it true that schizophrenia can sometimes be a demonic attack or black magic?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I never cut or harmed myself..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
What does it mean if someone asks if it’s pink?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I don,t even have a pension.
What was the worst decision you ever did?
She married twice! .
So whats the point in blame.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What is the reason for The Acolyte (2024 series) having poor reception among Star Wars fans?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She was in good health!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Is it okay for me to wear girls’ underwear?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
What was your best experience of having your navel touched?
I was scared of men, in general
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
What are some things that children used to wait for, but are no longer common in today's society?
All the time i was locked up.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
When she asked me how she looked .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He resisted the act ,that day.
I have no regrets .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She loved him until the end.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
(And it was in our own minds.)
I write beautiful poetry .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Who then, do I blame.?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Put me off passion for life!!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
It was going to be , some day.
She wouldn,t have been !
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I said to her
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Would this be the day?
I will be 64.
I was seconnd youngest,
So, i spoilt her more .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He knew the spot.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One cannot live in the past .
My life is so biszare .
Im still living with it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I waited trembling.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I was 9 years of age.
But ive been too sick for many years..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And i lived it daily.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But, we were locked up after school.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why did i forgive my father ?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She found it foreign!.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was very sick at this time too.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But it wasn’t much.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Comes on , in middle age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is soul school!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I think the readers, may guess!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My family never makes their pension either.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..